Napa Valley Girl

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Napa Valley girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Napa Valley Girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Okay, fine
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
In a tasting room
Okay, fine
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s aÂ…

LIKE, OH, MY GOTT (Napa Valley girl)
LIKE – TOTALLY (Napa Valley girl)
St. Helena is like SO BOUCHAINE
ThereÂ’s Tra VigneÂ…
And like all these like really cool restaurants and balloon rides and stuff
I like to buy the most expensive cabs
It’s like so BOUCHAINE ‘cause like everybody’s like
Super-super richÂ…
ItÂ’s like so BOUCHAINE
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In St. Helena, there she goes
She just found some Bouchaine Merlot
Now sheÂ’s on the prowl for some cougar juice
The kind of stuff that makes her feel real loose.

Anyway, he goes are you into hard tannins?
I go, oh RIGHT
Could you like just like picture me drinking a wine that was
Not fruit forward, I mean like ASTRINGENT?
Yeah right, HURT ME, HURT ME
IÂ’m chard! NO WAY!
HE WAS LIKE FREAKING ME OUTÂ…
He told me my wine smelled like a sweaty saddle
That’s ‘cause like he was totally blitzed
He goes like IÂ’m gonna pour you something from a bag-in-the-box
IÂ’M SO CHARD!
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Napa Valley girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Napa Valley girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Okay, fineÂ…
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
With a scoring card
Okay, fineÂ…
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s a Â…

ItÂ’s really sad (Napa Valley girl)
Like my English sommelierÂ…
HeÂ’s like Â… (Napa Valley girl)
HeÂ’s like Mr. Minerality (Napa Valley girl)
WeÂ’re talking LORD KING BIODYNAMIC MINERALITY (Napa Valley girl)
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I AM SO CHARD!
HE LIKES GROSS LEES!
And like sits there and swirls his decanter
And consults his biodynamic calendar
ItÂ’s like TOTALLY DISGUSTING
IÂ’M LIKE SO CHARD!
ItÂ’s like BARBARESCO ME OUT!
GAG ME WITH A TASTEVIN

Last idea to cross her mind
Had something to do with where to find
A case of cab from Silver Oak
And making din-din rezzies at La Toque

So like I go into this like wine bar place, yÂ’know
So, I wanted like to get a really cool Helen Turley or Caymus wine
3_Wine_boxes_Caymus_275pxwAnd the lady like goes, OH MY GOTT, YOU PICKED OUT A SYRAH!
THATÂ’S LIKE SO COTE-ROTIE!
It was like really embarrassing
SheÂ’s like OH, MY GOTT, LIKE BAG-IN-THE-BOX THAT WINE!
IÂ’m like chard.
She goes, uh, I donÂ’t know if itÂ’s got a handle on this, yÂ’know
I was like really embarrassed

Napa Valley girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Napa Valley girl
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
Okay, fine
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl7a_cat_box_275pxw
And she finds her pairings hard
Okay, fine
For chard, for chard
SheÂ’s a Napa Valley girl
With a scoring card

Like my mother drinks MOUTON CADET (Napa Valley girl)
ThatÂ’s made from SAUVIGNON BLANC (Napa Valley girl)
IT TASTES LIKE A CAT BOX! (Napa Valley girl)
I AM CHARD!
ITÂ’S LIKE GROSS LEES (Napa Valley girl)
BARBARESCO OUT! (Napa Valley girl)
OH, MY GOTT (Napa Valley girl)

HI!
Uh-huhÂ… (Napa Valley girl)
My name?
My name is Margaux Liebowitz (Napa Valley girl)
Uh-huh
ThatÂ’s right, Margaux (Napa Valley girl)
Uh-huhÂ…
I know
ItÂ’s likeÂ…(Napa Valley girl)
I DO NOT DRINK OVERPRICED WINE
IÂ’m chard (Napa Valley girl)
WHATÂ’SA MATTER WITH THE WINE I DRINK? (Napa Valley girl)
I am a Napa val, I know (Napa Valley girl)
But I like can get reservations at the French Laundry so itÂ’s okay
(Napa Valley girl)
Uh-huhÂ…(Napa Valley girl)6_michel-rolland_275pxw
So like, I donÂ’t know (Napa Valley girl)
IÂ’m like freaking out totally (Napa Valley girl)
OH, MY GOTT! (Napa Valley girl)

Hi- I have to go see my consulting enologist (Napa Valley girl)
IÂ’m getting a customized blend made, yÂ’know (Napa Valley girl)
But Michel has insisted on such a big retainer
ThatÂ’s going to be really like a total bummer
IÂ’M FREAKING OUT
IÂ’m chard.
ItÂ’s like those dump bucket things
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THEYÂ’RE LIKE GROSS LEES
YOU LIKE GET LIKE OTHER PEOPLEÂ’S SALIVA ALL OVER THEM!
But like, I donÂ’t know, itÂ’s going to be cool, yÂ’know
Riding in the limo to the wine train
And IÂ’m on one of those cool mailing lists, yÂ’know
Where yÂ’know somebodyÂ’s gotta die
For you to get in
The wine is just so awesome
ItÂ’s got no aftertaste; itÂ’s like tubular, yÂ’know
Well, itÂ’s not like really tannic or anything
ItÂ’s just like
I donÂ’t know
You know me, IÂ’m like into like the clean stuff
Like Colgin and Harlan Estate, yÂ’know4_napa_valley_train_275pxw
Like my husband like makes me drink SUB-90 POINT Syrah
ITÂ’S LIKE GROSS LEES
LIKE ALL THE AROMAS OF DIRT AND TERROIR AND STUFF
And itÂ’s like, itÂ’s like SOMEBODY ELSEÂ’S WINE, YÂ’KNOW
ITÂ’S LIKE COTE ROTIE!
COTE ROTIE TO THE MAX
I AM CHARD!
Its like really nauseating
LIKE BARBARESCO OUT!
GAG ME WITH A TASTEVIN!
GROSS LEES!
I AM CHARD!
TOTALLYÂ….

2 Responses to “Napa Valley Girl”

  1. Jerae Knutson says:

    I have no witty comments to post. I am from Napa. I do live in Napa. And, OMG, (in my best Valley Girl voice), I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…..

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